Training Alone Is Overrated

Hey {{first name | reader}},

It’s Tuesday, which means your weekly fitness check-in. Welcome to Week #22. Last week I went from Kona to Boston via two flights and a red eye because a friend was giving a speech I didn't want to miss. The speech was excellent. The travel was less excellent.¹ The late nights with friends were worth it. My fitness routine disagreed.² What I did right was book a hotel a twenty minute walk away from the daily events, so that granted me a minimum of 40 minutes walking each day.

I’m in New York for a few days, which surprisingly is an opportunity to get back on track. Guest passes at my sister’s gym are on offer, and it’s also a chance to train with her in person. We’re long distance training buddies, which means we share the same work out regime, and we check in by text or phone, but we seldom train together.

My sister and I are both mostly solo exercisers, and I generally prefer it that way. I like listening to my audiobook, moving at my own pace, and not coordinating schedules with another human being. But it is really fun to train with my sister. I love seeing how much stronger she has gotten since we started training together, and it’s also nice to have a spotter for heavier weights and push her to be stronger.

Yesterday, we focused on a heavy push day. Floor barbell presses— which are substantially easier with a partner, Z presses, landmines presses, and a couple versions of flies. We threw in some core work and some grip work.³

Training partners solve several problems all at once. Safety to start. When you’re lifting heavy weights, having a spotter prevents injury or that awkward moment when you have to shake weights off the end of the bench press bar in order not to be trapped.⁴

Then there's motivation. It’s fun to cheer one another on, and to push one another to lift a little heavier. Having one person who says “good job” or high fives you when you reach a PR gives you a boost. There’s also a little friendly competition that can push you to go harder.

We may think that our form looks great, but a partner can really see how you’re moving, and make the little corrections that will matter a lot. They are able to see you from multiple angles and focus on different elements of the lift for each set. Then you can concentrate on your effort.

And finally, when you know that a partner is waiting for you in the gym, it’s hard to skip out on them. On the occasions when the motivation to actually get to the gym is lacking, it’s a lot more difficult to sleep in when someone else is depending on you. It’s the same motivation that kept me going when I was on the track team or an outrigger team.⁵ Letting your teammates down is often harder than letting yourself down.

Question: I don't have a gym buddy and I work out alone. Am I at a disadvantage?

Answer: Not necessarily — I'm a solo exerciser by default and I've built plenty of strength training alone. But the research is pretty clear that social support networks like buddy systems and walking groups lead people to move more, and when you train with others, the social accountability created is one of the strongest predictors of long-term exercise adherence — missing a session means letting down someone who expects to see you, which is far more motivating than just letting yourself down. 

The good news is that a training partner doesn't have to be in the same room. My sister and I share a program and check in by text. That counts. A group chat, a hiking group, a friend you text your workout to — any social layer helps. The goal isn't to create pressure. The goal is to make skipping the workout feel slightly more inconvenient than doing it.

Myth: Motivation should come from within.

Reality: People love to talk about discipline as though it's a character trait. In reality, most successful exercisers build systems that make exercise easier to do and harder to skip. One of the most effective systems is social accountability.

Very few people maintain a fitness routine because they wake up excited to work out every day. Most of us show up because we've created habits, schedules, and relationships that keep us moving when motivation disappears.

A training partner isn't magic. They're infrastructure.

New York has the best deli in the world and I intend to use it. Current staple: turkey on rye with mustard, pickles, and whichever crunchy thing is closest to the register. No mayonnaise. No soft bread. No apologies. High protein, maximum structural integrity, available on every corner in Manhattan.⁶

The Memorial Hermann article on accountability partners is worth five minutes of your time, mostly because it confirms something we've all experienced: it's remarkably easy to disappoint ourselves and remarkably difficult to disappoint someone we like.

The article breaks down why accountability works and how social support improves long-term adherence. None of it is revolutionary. All of it is useful.

If you've ever wondered why your walking group, outrigger team, hiking club, or gym buddy helps you stay consistent, this is the explanation.

Find Your Accountability Layer You don't need a training partner in the same gym. But add one social element to your workouts this week.

Start small. One text message. One check-in. One person who notices whether you showed up.

You don't need a training partner.

You just need someone who would notice if you disappeared.

Stay strong,
{{first name | reader}}

P.S. My sister is stronger than she thinks she is. This is also true of most people reading this.